It’s 1am and I’m lying in the dark in my bedroom. A very intriguing start to a blog post right?
We all have good days and bad days, unfortunately for me today was one of those bad days. My alarm went off tearing me from my slumber. I got up feeling a little hungover from the night before I’ll admit, and off I went to work.
Everything was fine and I was kept busy enough in work. That was until I was faced with a couple of problems, nothing major thinking back now, but things that in the moment got to me. I’m not an angry person, I do rant a bit alright but that is usually over the plot of a movie or something ridiculous (I’m talking about the film A boy when I say this, I mean really? She chooses to stay and be a mother to a ghost?). Anyways like I was saying, an angry person I am not. I don’t tend to hold grudges and confrontation is the last thing I want. But today? Wow, did everything get on my last nerve.
I could feel my blood boiling. This irrational anger shocked me, yet I had no control over it. It wasn’t long before the anger switched to just general misery. I took a half hour break and ordered nachos and not even those, gods gift to man, could brighten my day. I found myself on the phone crying to my mother. “But what does it all mean??!”. Well okay, maybe not that dramatic but still , I couldn’t make sense of my mood.
I finished my break and made an effort to get of this funk, and it wasn’t easy. I managed to get through the rest of the day without a break down, and then it came time to finish. I don’t think I ever left the building so fast.
I got home and crawled into bed, exhausted and emotional and wanted nothing more than to fall straight into a deep slumber. That was at half 10. And that brings us to now.
I’ve spent the last two and a half hours tossing and turning. Alone in my room I suddenly felt like I was suffocating, I was too warm and I had a knot in my stomach that just wouldn’t shift. I said goodbye to sleep and hello to the anxiety that had made it’s sneaky appearance.
Giving up on sleep I put my headphones on and tried to listen to music to distract myself from my inner turmoil. Listening to one of my favourite Spotify playlists, on comes Brimful of Asha by Cornershop and just like that my mood changes again.
Lying in bed I felt the tension in my stomach ease and instead of replaying the events of the day in my mind or overthinking every decision I have ever made, I focused on the music. Every song after that began to improve my mood further. At this current moment in time, I can say I feel a lot better than I did a couple of hours ago.
Now I’m not saying that music is a scientific solution to the problem that is anxiety or whatever irrational behaviour it is I suffer with but it is something that has always acted as a solace for me.
I decided to look into it more and found out about music therapy. Music therapy is a kind of therapy that uses music to maintain our physical, psychological and social well-being, be that listening to music, singing along to a song or playing a musical instrument. This kind of therapy is used in hospitals, rehabilitation centres, schools, correctional facilities and nursing homes, according to goodtheraphy.org.
This was news to me, although it makes sense. It’s weird to me, someone who can’t go a day without listening to music, that some people aren’t that into music. Music has always been very important to me. That being said no two people are the same and just because something is important to me doesn’t mean it should be important to you. However, in the case of anxiety, it seems music can really help. If I was give anyone advice ( which I probably shouldn’t considering I am hopeless in all aspects of life) it would probably be that I really think a pair of headphones will come in handy. I mean it’s worth a shot?